Ponder-logy

Blog entry inspired by: Timothy Tiah (Warning: Long post ahead due to another sleepless night)

I ponder about a lot of things in my life. WORK. FAMILY. RELATIONSHIPS. FRIENDSHIPS. YOU NAME IT.

Most friends/ my family/ my ex-es would reprimand me, saying that it isn't a good thing to do so. They call this 想太多。I CAN'T HELP IT! SERIOUSLY!!!! But isn't it supposed to be a good thing that we should all do some minimal pondering in certain stages of our life, so we'll know which direction we're heading towards? No?

Ok, I have to admit - Sometimes my ponder-logy doesn't work and things can turn pretty negative.

I ponder about my career. Do I like what I do? Is my next salary gonna meet my expectations? (Coz I always change jobs you see) and will it be able to sustain me for the lifestyle that I want? How much farther can I advance in my career? Do I foresee myself doing it for the next 20 years? What are the struggles that I might face if I do not like my job? What about the colleagues at work? Do we work well together or are they just another bunch of idlers/ back-stabbers/ bitches etc? I'm moving on to join a 'friendly' competitor, what are the consequences that I'll face (referring to my old job)?

In this case - ponder-logy works for me. It has served me well in making (almost) all the right decisions. I must say that apart from some unavoidable human factors, the road has been pretty smooth for me.

I ponder about the friendships I've had. Who are my real friends? Do friends come and go? How do I know which are true ones I can befriend? Will we still hang out for the many years to come? Even when they have their own families? Knowing that they are gonna be a bad influence, should I 'ditch' the friendship even if it means to reflect badly on me?

Sometimes it works. Sometimes no. I met a couple of bad friends about 10 years ago, picked up bad habits like going home late, and became really rebellious like an ah lian. After long thoughts (and somehow realised that I should not upset my family anymore), said bye bye to them and been a goody-2-shoes since.

I ponder about my family. Mom and Dad's getting old, I should start saving (未雨绸缪）. Zhixiong is 25 this year. When is he settling down? Kat and the kids - Nix is going to P1 next year, can he cope with all that stress? Iriz got a new house - I hope she is coping fine. What about her BGR issues? I will have my own family someday, will I face the same issues or will there be a set of new problems?

Yes and no. Sometimes, maybe it is better to leave to each individuals to manage their own expectations. My pondering, can be “多余” in this case.

I ponder about my relationships. How can I learn to maintain my relationships? How can I keep a relationship healthy and exciting? Will my partner love me as much as I do for him? Trust issues - How can I learn to overcome my insecurities? Will I be a good wife one day when I marry? My kids - how can I teach them to be street-smart and/or be good citizens? What about the bees and birds story?

This is the most difficult part. My ponder-logy.... leads me to nowhere. Sometimes I just wish that it'll served me as well as in other areas.

So.. is it actually a bad thing? Or is it like what most of you would say - think too much? I'm aware that I might run out of memory if I continue too much though. I need to upgrade my brain space, haha.